Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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