Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
