He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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