Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
