mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
