White coat. Heels.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
