Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
