Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
