Old men and throwing up are my life now.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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