Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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