Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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