Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
