I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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