I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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