i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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