I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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