WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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