please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
