If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We left an ass print on the piano.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
