Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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