"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
