Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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