I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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