At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
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