Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
