Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
