I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
