so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
