Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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