We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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