So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
