and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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