every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
now i know why i became what i already was.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
