everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
