YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
