My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
