Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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