we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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