On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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