mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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