Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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