Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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