omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
