OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
