Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
