Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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