dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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