A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
