Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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