Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
