i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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