I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
