this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
