I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Did I show you my penis last night?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
