Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Fuck appropriateness.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
