i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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