High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
