He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
