A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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