I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
