This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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