a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
