I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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